“Listen, these greys are not working for you,” said my uncle, whom I was meeting after over a decade. “You’re a good-looking girl,” he continued. “Colour your grey hair. We all do it as we age.” I blinked slowly at him, in an attempt to compute what he was saying.
“But it’s a deceptive way of looking younger and we know it,” I retorted.
“Of course we do. Look at me,” he said.
“Yes, I am. Your hair looks fake,” I said, unable to play along anymore. Unsurprisingly, that shut him up.
If you’re a woman in India, you’re no stranger to unsolicited comments and opinions about your physical appearance. Weight, height, skin colour, grey hair; there’s nary an aspect of my body that hasn’t been commented on by someone or the other in the last four decades.
My hair had always been my crowning glory (pun intended). It’s been fairly problem-free and healthy for the most part and I attributed this largely to avoiding hair colour and chemical treatments for the first two decades of my life. And then I started greying in my 20s. Stress, genes, who knows? What started as a few errant strands turned into solid patches of grey hair, especially on and around the crown of my head, but I didn't feel the need to hide them. Only in my 30s did I start colouring my hair for fun. I loved how the light bounced off different hues and the fact that I could match my makeup to my hair. For a few years, I even made it a pre-birthday ritual, flaunting my newly-coloured locks at the beach on my birthday vacation.
Soon enough, though, I got tired of the ordeal. Less than three months into the arduous (and expensive) process, the colour would begin fading and the whites would resprout. But what bothered me most was how dry, damaged and frizzy my hair had become. It was time I realised that my hair wasn't reacting as well to the colour anymore and I needed to embrace it in its natural state.
Why does premature greying happen?
Premature greying, which generally starts in your 20s, is caused by genetics and oxidative stress – excess sun exposure pollution, mental stress, nutrition deficiency and smoking. According to Dr Madhuri Agarwal, consultant dermatologist and founder of Yavana Skin & Hair Clinic, “Oxidative stress leads to build up of hydrogen peroxide, which in turn can devoid hair of its colour, leading to early greying.”
Certain vitamin deficiencies or recent illnesses, such as malaria or typhoid, can also cause melanin-producing cells to wear out and stop producing melanin, which gives your hair its natural colour. “The most important thing to remember is that premature greying cannot be treated or reversed,” she says. “There are no treatments, oils or shampoos that can reverse hair greying. Even clinincal treatments have not been definitively proven to reverse greys.” Shampoos with antioxidants like green tea, selenium and copper are also prescribed by some self-proclaimed hair experts, but they are not in contact with the scalp long enough to actually work. Other than colouring your hair, there is nothing you can do.
Breaking the shackles
Over the past year or so, I’ve let my hair grow out enough for it to reach my waist. My flowing locks now have sections of white hair interspersed with black and brown strands: a look I quite enjoy. As I gear up to turn 40 in a few days, I want to start embracing my age gracefully. This was not taken too well by other people (and by people I mean relatives, friends of friends and even domestic help). “Why aren’t you colouring your hair?”, “You’re too young to look old”, “This look doesn’t suit you.” None of these questions or opinions were solicited.
I quickly discovered that I wasn't alone. Far from it. Gurgaon-based Juthika Basu, 45, shares her experience, “After spending a few years in the hospitality industry, where I had no choice but to colour my hair, I decided to chop it all off at 35, donate it for cancer survivors and never colour it again,” she says. “I get endless comments, from ‘You’re looking like an old woman’ to ’Who is this dadi?’. These used to bother me at first, but not anymore. It’s been a liberating journey.”
Hairstylist to the stars, Priyanka Borkar, validates this sentiment. “Greying is no longer seen purely as a sign of ageing. It’s become a style statement,” she says. “My clients tell me how freeing it is to stop retouching their roots and depending on that to boost their confidence. Many of them are embracing their natural greys, sometimes even colouring their hair half-grey to achieve a blended transition.”
Not everyone is able to grow a thick skin from the unsolicited comments, though. Singapore-based Jayeeta Mazumder, 42, coloured her hair right before coming to India for a family wedding to avoid unnecessary hurtful comments. “Once, a family member got tremendously upset with me for flaunting my greys at a wedding in his home. How could I, a 40-year-old, nonchalantly walk around in grey hair while the rest of the family looked ‘younger’ in their very obviously coloured black hair, aged 60+?”, she recalls.
Interestingly though, her experience in Singapore has been vastly different. “Here, my greys are just hair. Nobody comments, nobody offers remedies, nobody reads it as a problem to be solved. I walk into rooms and people see me before they see my age,” she says. “But when I’m in India, I feel the shift immediately.”
As I get older and life gets more complicated, it seems more and more impossible to spend time on something over which I have no control. Does that mean I’ll never colour my hair again? Of course not. I enjoy experimenting with the rainbow on my hair. But will I be doing it to cover my greys? No chance. White will now just be a part of the myriad hues I try.
